She was 11 years old
The person who held her heart the closest
Held her hand the longest
Made her life the largest
Only loved the sweetest
Made her seem the highest
Grew her light the brightest
Made the burdens lightest
Was gone in an instant

One minute they were hugging goodnight
The next she was all alone
Watching him fade away
Feeling helpless to do anything
The words of her mother,
Knowledge of his fate
Stinging in her conscience
She relived the moment it happened
Over and over and over again
Until it engulfed her mind

Anything she saw
Reminded her of the pain
She would never hold his hand again
She would never hear his laugh once more
Or see his smile light up the room
She would never get to hold him close
He would never get to see her graduate
Or have a family of her own

Dressed in black
Sobbing as they read the tribute of his life
All she could do was close her eyes
Hoping it was all a horrific nightmare
That the only pain was the “what if’s”
Praying that she would wake up
Come out of her room
And get greeted by his love

She went back to school
The pity in the eyes
of everyone she saw were unbearable
The sorrys were maddening
Most of them didn’t know
They didn’t know the pain
Waking up everyday
Getting out of bed
Just to act like everything was fine

But that was the problem
It wasn’t fine
It wasn’t okay that the person
Who deserved a beautiful life most
Got cut off short
He had so many more lives to bless
He deserved the world
But what he got was shameful

Then she was 13
She moved away from everything she knew
Everything that he knew
They were all moving on
Moving away from the one place he loved
He had already missed so many milestones
One brother graduated high school
The other started
She started middle school
All without him

Slowly
She lost sight of who she was
Who she was meant to be
She felt alone and abandoned
By everyone she trusted most
Everything she loved
Disappeared from view
It was like falling in a hole
And looking up

But all she could see
Was darkness beyond the curve
She strained her eyes
Looking for a light
Anything to indicate
That she would be alright
She tried to back away
But the darkness surrounded her
Like a match dying out

She finally got tired
Of trying to look up
For one can only hold their head so high
Before they fall with a tired cry

No fix in sight
She gave up trying
How could she see the light
When the darkness was so overbearing
Again she closed her eyes
But instead of wishing for the past
All she wanted was for her journey to no longer last

Now she is 15
The people she was stupid enough to let in
Tore her down to pieces
She was being pulled down lower
As she helped them up higher
No matter how much she gave
It never seemed enough
Once they took all that they needed
They left her broken and helpless

It was too hard to pick up
The shards of her heart
That they didn’t take
So she left them on the ground
Afraid to see what was left

She walks the halls
People all around her
But she can’t help feeling lonely
The laughter is deafening
Kids are laughing and having fun
While she feels completely alone
She tries to look forward
But all she sees
Is darkness as far as her mind can reach

Her friends and family
Tell her how amazing she is
She thanks them with gratitude
She wants to believe them
But she doesn’t
She acts that she is confident in herself
But she isn’t

Hopefully she feels more love
Much more hurt,
Could shatter her